Being a Single Parent with Alcoholism is Hard

Today has been a particularly rough day.  I know I'm not the only single parent out there in the world and I also know I'm not the only single parent with alcoholism either.  All you have to do is a quick Google search for "alcoholic single parent" and the results that come up indicate that being an alcoholic single mother is definitely a thing.  Refreshingly though, the majority of the links returned from that search point women to help. Here's the top five search results:

1. http://www.promises.com/articles/women-and-alcohol/the-dangers-of-an-alcoholic-mother/
2. http://alcoholrehab.com/drug-addiction/single-parents-and-substance-abuse/
3. http://www.telegraph.co.uk/women/mother-tongue/10030431/The-pain-of-growing-up-with-an-alcoholic-mother.html
4. http://www.parenting.com/article/alcoholic-parent
5. http://www.mommyish.com/2012/02/17/more-bad-press-for-single-moms-many-are-alcoholics/

Let's be totally real.  Being a single mother with alcoholism is hard.  Especially in these days of social media and all of the funny and cute memes that people post it's pretty clear that a lot of parents turn to a glass of wine or a beer or maybe a straight up shot of vodka to cope with the stresses of their day.  The reality for us with alcoholism is that we have had to find new ways to cope with stressful days.  For some people that might be gardening or sports or physical activity; for me it is writing.

Today has been a particularly rough day.  I lost my temper when I came home to find dirty socks and a piece of garbage thrown on the floor.  I yelled at my kids.  They picked up the dirty socks and the garbage.  We hugged.  I apologized for losing my temper.  And now I write.

The thing that people say in rehab but you don't really hear when you first get sober is that your relationships will change.  As you change, your relationship with everyone changes.  Sure people have been hugely supportive and encouraging.  They've also been awkward, made assumptions about how I will react and some have just dropped off the face of the earth because I'm not the fun party girl that was their friend.  Sobriety can leave you feeling very alone.  So I write.  Writing allows me to have conversations that I can't have with my kids or parents or sometimes even my close friends because unless you're walking a similar path, it can be very difficult for you to relate.  

Today has been a particularly rough day.  I'm grateful for rough days like today because it's a marker on the timeline of my sobriety.  A milestone that I have established healthy ways to cope.  I can forgive myself for losing my temper.  I can celebrate that life is life and sometimes it's great, sometimes it's hard but mostly it's just regular, everyday life.