Relapse, does it equal failure?

Relapse is so scary.  When I say the word relapse, what is the first thing that comes to your mind?  Who is the first person that you think of when you hear the word?  Do you think of the addict and what it means to them and the fact that they are using again?  Or do you consider the family or friends of the addict?  How about how relapse affects those in recovery with the person who has relapsed?  And what about the treatment program that the person just finished?  Do you think of that program and does it change your opinion about the effectiveness of that program?


When I had heard the word relapse before now and have had personal experience with relapse, the only person I ever thought of is the addict.  That was the only perspective that I could see or even consider.  I never understood that when a person relapses it's like rocking the boat of recovery and creating waves that ripple outward and affect everyone even remotely vested in that recovery effort.  For those closest emotionally to the addict, these waves roll in with the force and magnitude of a horrific tsunami.  Crashing into the already shaky foundations of trust, hope, and belief and breaking them apart with a violent force.  


To others, like those new friends that the addict made during treatment, these waves might roll in under the cover of huge dark clouds like a bad storm on the horizon.  Causing those friends to batten down the hatches and protect their own new sobriety from exposure to the storm they see on the horizon.  Which might leave the person in relapse feeling rejected or alone or like a failure.


The treatment program is like an island where the waves of relapse hit on every side.  The family questions the program, the friends question the program, the addict questions the program, and those that went through treatment with the person in relapse, might question the program and its effectiveness.  The signs of a world class program though, is one that always maintains a safe harbor for those in relapse to come back to.  A shelter from the waves of the relapse.  A shelter created from the confidence in their program and the knowledge that the program works whenever the person is completely ready to work it, and the knowledge that not everyone is ready the first time through.


Relapse is not failure.  Relapse is inevitable until the person battling addiction learns to face their emotional crises and triggers with something other than alcohol or drugs.  Relapse is inevitable until a person is ready to take off all of the masks and look in the mirror, to accept responsibility for their life.  To take ownership of their life.


With 30 days into my recovery journey, I am finding that I have a new perspective on relapse.  As a friend it is an opportunity for me to show compassion to the person who has relapsed.  As a person in recovery, it is a reminder of how easy relapse can happen if I don't protect my sobriety every day and learn how to deal with my emotional crises in healthy, rational ways instead of a bottle.


Relapse does not equal failure.  Relapse equals more practice needed at being sober.