Who's My Baby?

I AM!


This is a question that I ask both of my girls all the time.  It's become something of a game with us, that the girls adore and love to prompt me to ask.  This little tradition started with Breck, my oldest before she could even talk or walk, where I would hold her little adorable self all wrapped in a towel, fresh from the bath, up in front of the medicine cabinet mirror and ask her "Who's my baby?" and then follow it up with "Breck is, Breck is!".  It has now evolved to where, Brenna, my youngest, now almost five years old, especially loves to come up to me and whisper in my ear, "Mama, say who's my baby."  And then I ask "Who's my baby?" and she gets a huge smile ear to ear and replies "I AM!" in cheerful, giggly sort of way, all giddy with excitement. 


It occurred to me today though, that this is also a great question to ask myself.  "Who's my baby?"  


For eight and a half years now, my answer has been Breck and Brenna are my babies.  While that answer is correct in every, very literal sense of the question, it also sheds a light into the darkness that consumed my life for so long, even before I had kids.  Because that answer leaves the most important person in my life out...ME.


I am very nearly 39 years old.  When asked to describe me, most people will use words like confident, tenacious, outgoing, tall, driven, and strong to name a few.  Some might even use words like arrogant, aggressive, sarcastic, conceited, bitch, and vain.  While still others might even venture out of the PG realm and...well...I won't publish language like that here.  Fact of the matter is that through the past nearly 39 years, I have been all of that and more, mostly with the help of alcohol.  But what I have never, ever, EVER been is sure of myself, because I didn't care about myself at all.


I'm working on that now though.  Through my treatment at Schick-Shadel Hospital I was given an opportunity to push the pause button on life for 10 days and think about only one person...ME.  Through the thoughtful and CARE-FULL attention of the counselors, nurses, and staff, I was shown the importance of putting myself first and foremost in life.  I now know that I have to be okay before I can be okay for anyone else, including my family, or perhaps even, most importantly for my family; namely my daughters.  


So ask me that question now.  "Who's my baby?"  My immediate reply is, "I AM!"